The word “lament” is not used much today. In fact, many of us may not be familiar with its exact meaning. Isn’t it just another word for grief? Well, not quite. Where grief is the process of responding and adapting to a significant loss, lament is a profoundly relational expression of grief. Lament is the practice of taking our grief and pain and boldly expressing it to one who will listen. In lament, emotions are expressed in bold, powerful, and often disturbing intensity, allowing room for distress, anger, and feelings of abandonment to flow freely without regret or fear. "My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?" (Psalm 6:3).
In order to heal from a loss, we need to allow space to experience the emotional pain associated with that loss. Suppressing feelings or not allowing yourself to mourn a loss fully can make the grieving process go on even longer. When we cry out to God through lament, there is a surprising intimacy—a revealing of pain—that only happens in the closest of relationships and can lead us deeper into the heart of God, who promises to be with us in our suffering (Deuteronomy 31:6).
Psalms of Lament
There is a form to lament found in the scriptures that can be helpful as we navigate the rugged landscape of loss. This form can help us make sense of the messy process that occurs in the aftermath of pain and suffering. The Psalms of Lament provide a framework to process sorrow while honoring our pain and loss:
Complaint: Crying out and giving voice to the ache deep in our bones.
Resistance: Expressing opposition or anger for the way things are.
Petition: A call for God to move and act on our behalf to make things better.
Confession of trust: Some measure of confidence and trust in the person receiving our words.
Vow to praise in the midst of suffering: Permitting ourselves to give voice to our pain, we also praise God, who promises to be with us in our suffering. This process makes room in our minds and hearts to experience conflicting thoughts and emotions—such as joy and sorrow or peace and chaos.
Practice and Reflect
Psalm 77 is one example from scripture that expresses all five elements of lament. Read through the selected verses from the Psalm slowly and notice complaint, resistance, petition, trust, and vow to praise. Read the verses a second time and picture the loss or struggle you are experiencing in each of the five sections.
Complaint: I cry out to God; yes, I shout. Oh, that God would listen to me! (v. 1)
Resistance: When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord. All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven, but my soul was not comforted. I think of God, and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for his help. You don’t let me sleep. I am too distressed even to pray! I think of the good old days, long since ended, when my nights were filled with joyful songs. I search my soul and ponder the difference now. (2-6)
Petition: Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again be kind to me? Is his unfailing love gone forever? Have his promises permanently failed? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he slammed the door on his compassion? (7-9)
Confession of trust: But then I recall all you have done, O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago. They are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works. O God, your ways are holy. Is there any god as mighty as you? (11-12)
Vow to praise: You are the God of great wonders! You demonstrate your awesome power among the nations. (13-14 NLT)
Reflection:
With honesty and self-compassion, write down what you noticed in the verses from Psalm 77.
Create a picture or image of the person or relationship you lost, and imagine telling them what you think, how you feel, or what you are experiencing.
Share your observations with a trusted friend or counselor.
Other Psalms of Lament include Psalm 130, Psalm 6, Psalm 38, Psalm 10, and Psalms 42-43.